A is better than B or is it

Ok, so last week my oldest was in the middle of middle school basketball tryouts. She made the A team last year as a seventh grader. That whole week I kept running down the girls and thinking about where she would get placed. Figured she would make the A team, but just was hoping that would happen for her. I never did make an "A" team and I guess I just wanted that for her. Well, she made it and actually had a very good season. Unfortunately, her extra playing time came because one of the other posts on the team got hurt. She took advantage of her opportunity and was awarded "the Most Improved Player" on the team. Proud moment for dad and a very reassuring feeling for her as a player.

This year, bigger stakes...8th grade basketball. LOL. There were a lot fewer girls this year and the coach, a personal friend, decided to have two teams. Again, I went through all the names and worried about how her placement would affect her mentally. I figured that by knowing her work ethic and her ability, she would make the A team again, but just didn't know if the numbers would work in her favor. The coach delayed the posting of teams 3 extra days! I don't know if it was harder on me or my daughter. Anyways, when that day came, I just gave it up to God and said He knows what is best for her. If the B team, great. If the A team, great.

Turns out it ended up being the best of both worlds! She was one of two players selected to play on both teams. She will gets lots of playing time on the B team and still be able to contribute on the A team. It even went further in that our friend, her coach, pulled her aside and said she wants her to step up and lead the B team! Ok, I say that to her all the time! Know what she does? She rolls her eyes at me! Know what she says when her coach says it? I am really going to step up because that team will need me!

So the moral of the story? Stop obsessing over things you can't control, Mike! They are keeping you from thinking about things that are actually important! I don't know why, but these posts always turn into a learning experience for me. Some people keep a journal...I just blog about it. I will keep you posted on how her season progresses. Hopefully I won't yell at any refs.(See previous posting)

Boys where prohibited

Sunday afternoon I was performing my normal duties as unpaid taxi driver when something was said that made me stop and realize that not everyone is as old as I am. My daughter, Madison was riding "shotgun" because she is now old enough to do so. She had switched off my "80's on 8"(for those XM subscribers, you know what I am talking about) and turned on Radio Disney. Atleast that is better than some of the crap she likes to listen to and since my 7 year old Logan was in the car too, I reluctantly approved the music choice. By this point, Logan had already put on his headphones and was watching some random movie I had thrown into the van DVD player earlier that week and was no longer available for conversation. We had finished up with basketball for the day, church was a distant memory for the kids and the two had just finished a couple hours of dance practice...yes on a Sunday. I had turned my attention to making conversation with Madison. This can be a hard task as she is 12 and doesn't always want to talk to her dad. "How did dance go today?" "Fine" She answers a text. "Are you two getting the hang of it?" "Yes" Another text comes in and she answers that. More questions and same one word answers. I decide I will try again after my favorite Taylor Swift song, "Hey Stephen" comes on. We both start singing and she doesn't mind my rendition. We have a connection! Yes! After the song ends and both of us are laughing and I decide I need to concentrate on the road...yah right! Some kind of Radio Disney contest comes on and I half listen, but really I am thinking about what I am going to do when I get home. Then the question comes that can turn the tide, how will I handle this? I really want to laugh, but if I do, what will she feel? It is a honest question and I don't want to embarrass her. I keep my cool and take everything in stride.

"Dad, what does it mean when they say 'Boys where prohibited'?" Oh, you mean "void where prohibited." I went on the explain what void meant and what the context of that statement meant in relation to the contest. I was actually surprised that I was able to pull that off without any laughter or kidding involved. Guess I knew how I would have felt if someone had laughed at me for saying something like that.

I think at that moment, I experienced a God moment in my life. He was saying to me that I can't make assumptions about what my kids know. He was saying to be a father and teacher first and a jokester second. He was saying even though our kids are getting older, they are still kids and we have to treat them as such. Not expect or demand so much. Love them for who they are and not for what we want them to be. Although church had ended hours ago and God wasn't in the kids minds, at that point, He was in mine!

Cold sweats....not good!

Well, kids started back to school Monday and I was thrown back into the routine. No more staying under the heating blanket until I couldn't take it anymore in the morning, no more days of nothing to do and no where to go and no more hanging out with my kids and wife all day. Back to reality! So I thought. The kids have a snow day already! It is Wednesday and the kids have been watching TV for about an hour and a half already. Time to crack the whip...Well, I'll wait until I finish the posting.

As I type, I find myself again guilty about my lack of consistency in these posts. I thank those of you who are still coming around to read my random thoughts of my life and I promise to be more consistent with my postings in 2010.

I am happy this is a blog and not some organized paper as I would really get marked down for not being on subject. What I want to talk about today is my oldest daughter and the cold sweat I experienced last week. Between Christmas and New Years, she was scheduled(atleast she thought) to get her braces off. It all started with her last appointment before Christmas when they said, in 2 weeks when the retainers come in, you can get your braces off. Well, 2 weeks was right after Christmas and she began asking me when her appointment would be. I started calling the ortho. 2 days after Christmas to find out if they had gotten her retainers in. After 2 days of calling, they finally called us and said the retainers were in and they could fit her in on January 11th to remove them. January 11th! That wasn't going to work! They had another office about a half hour away and they could take them off on December 31st. Much better, but the time was 8:20 in the morning, which she was not thrilled about, but she wanted them off, so we took it! Luckily that day was one of the few "no new snow days" that we have had in Nebraska this winter which made the trip possible.

We got there on time, which in itself was good news, with the early arrival time. They took her back right away and I busied myself by cleaning up my iphoto, which I don't think I had done all year. After about an hour, she was all done and she and the hygienist came out. She had retainers in both the top and bottom. She talked funny as her tongue was trying to get used to the retainers in her mouth. I didn't notice that as much as I noticed my young daughter didn't look so much like my little girl anymore, she looked like a young women.

This "young women" concept was illustrated more fully for me that night when we were having friends over for New Years Eve. As we were preparing food and drinks for the night, she was showering and getting ready. When she came down and walked into the kitchen, the cold sweat began immediately for me! I couldn't believe what I was seeing! She looked atleast 16 to me and more beautiful than I had ever seen her. I tried to keep my composure, but the sweats had taken over my body. My thoughts went immediately to what boys would think of her new look and the thoughts in general of boys. Cold sweats consumed every part of me. Trying to make a taco dip being consumed by cold sweats is a hard task. "Do the green onions come next or the tomatoes?" She is never dating! I was somehow able to keep my composure, finish the taco dip and not let on to my wife or my daughter all the thoughts I was having about boys her age!

Not sure how to end this blog because no matter what I do, she isn't going to stop growing up. At least at this point, she really isn't that interested in boys, so I have that going for me. Maybe I can forget about all this stuff for awhile, oh wait...there is an 8th grade dance this spring! I'm screwed.

It must be hard to be number 4

This weekend we were out at the mall for 3 of our kids that had a piano recital. It was nice. They had a nice baby grand set up and the kids played Christmas music for about an hour. When it was all over with the older kids were asking about food. Seems to always happen in our family. After any activity, doesn't matter what time of day or if they have just eaten, as soon as the activity is over, they are all asking about food. We had planned on treating them this time, as a reward for the great concert they had just preformed. After the restaurant debate had ended and we were all getting on our coats, it occurred to me that Logan had not seen Santa yet this year. In previous years, when more of the kids were younger, we had seen Santa atleast twice by now. I can't believe that I hadn't remembered to take him before now! What a bad dad I was!

Luckily, the mall we were in did have Santa for the day so, I took my son and we got in line. It wasn't a long line as Santa lines go and I could tell Logan was excited. He kept talking to himself, trying to remember all the things that were on his list. He wanted to make sure he got it all right. He didn't care that his brother and sisters weren't going up there with him(they had already seen him earlier this month, wink, wink), he wanted this to be the perfect conversation. As I stood there watching him, I thought I could have really blown it if I hadn't remembered to take him! I felt so guilty about the whole thing that I even bought the picture for him to keep to remember he got to see Santa this year.

It can be really hard to remember to do those little things that came more naturally when all the kids were younger. I don't want my younger kids to go into therapy when they are older because "Mom and Dad never took pictures of me as a kid." Hopefully, remembering Santa will help me to avoid the therapy sessions. Oh, let's face it, I'll find another way to screw up my kids. All parents do...right?!

Time away is good, just throws you off your routine

Ok, the one thing I have been saying is that I would be consistent with my blogging and I really have a desire to be that way and make a go of this blog, but there are many things that get in the way. I give a lot of credit to those bloggers that have stayed consistent for years.

Several weeks ago, right around the time I stopped blogging, my wife and I got away by ourselves for a weekend away from the kids. I would totally recommend this to any couple who hasn't done it in awhile! It is such a great feeling to be with the one you love and not have to worry about what the kids are doing. I have to admit this trip away is a long time coming. Long story, made very short, I didnt' go with my wife on a work trip to San Francisco many months ago. This is a decision I have regretted and am so glad that we finally got away. You see, when you have four kids it is really to forget about spending time with your wife because your kids' lives are so busy.

We didn't go that far away, but that wasn't the point. The point was to spend time with my wife and get back to what is really important. We are both so busy every day and when we finally see each other at the end of the day, the energy we have for each other, is most times, lacking.

I have committed to dating her monthly and intend to follow through on this. I just set up my date with her for December and am excited about spending time with her. She is one of the few that laugh at my silly comments or stupid jokes. You would think this would be an easy decision and would happen every month, but it is so easy to get into a rut and focus my attention on the needs of the kids. Times are changing and priorities are getting changed.

I would love to hear about any ideas that any of you have about how you keep the love alive in your relationship. I should clarify that by saying, keep it clean. I will share things that I come up with and that way, maybe I can help spark other relationships as well. I don't have all the answers, so I need help. Please comment so I can become a better husband.

I learned from my daughter this weekend!

Ok, so I like to do this blogging stuff early in the morning, but that just didn't work out for me today, so I want to make sure I do it. Afterall, Brian Reid, Rebel Dad himself, said you have to be consistent and I don't want to fall off the wagon already.

This weekend was much better than I had expected. I ended up going with my 13 year old daughter on a church retreat. We left Friday night and were there most of Saturday. At the convention I had committed to my Omaha SAHD buddies that I would attend a DNO meeting that night. They scheduled it around me, so I couldn't cancel on them. So, we told the youth director at our church, that she wouldn't be going. Then two days later, my wife's other plans didn't work out, so she was going to go with her, but they would have to be late because of her job obligations. My daughter was fine with that, so I emailed the director and said we were now in.

I thought things were set, and I was happy how thing were turning out. I had Friday night free and my daughter and wife would get some alone time. Then I found out, through my email list, that the DNO wasn't going to be well attended at all and it looked like about 3 to 5 guys were going to be available. Priorities, priorities, priorities...drinks with a couple guys or quality time with my daughter. I chose my daughter. I am so glad that I did!

I emailed the director again and said plans had changed for the third and last time. I was going to take Kedzie! This freed up my wife for another work obligation and allowed the two of us to go with the group on time to the retreat.

Friday night was pretty laid back with most of the kids figuring out the layout of the land and the bunkhouses. The parents too were just getting aquatinted and adjusted to the routine for the next 18 hours. We had some team building, some Bible time, a campfire and then snack time before bed. The cabin we were in fell asleep early, much early than most, from what I was told, so I got a good night sleep...as well as one can sleep in a bed that is too short for you. I never knew what tomorrow would have in store for me.

I don't wake up well in the morning and it usually takes me awhile to want to talk or socialize with anyone. That was again the case Saturday morning. The boys in my bunkhouse were up early. In fact, one had finished off a Dr. Pepper before 7:30 in the morning. After a hot shower and a change of clothes I was ready for the day. Headed down for breakfast and looked forward to hearing about my daughter's night.

She came in shortly after I had and filled me in on the late night adventures in her cabin. She fell asleep early, but the other girls stayed up way to late to be up already. Once all the kids and adult leaders had entered the room, the director stood up and asked for a volunteer to lead the morning prayer. I thought I could do it, but wanted to see if one of the kids would do it. The director pointed behind me to the kids table to one of the kids who had volunteered. I bowed my head to listen intently to the prayer. I thought it would be one of the simple but appropriate prayers we heard last night for dinner, but it wasn't any thing like that.

All of a sudden my daughter started praying! She started thanking God for the day, for the young disciples that were there, for the learning that all of us will experience, that how we all want to be closer to God, that the leaders will help to teach them how to be better Christians. I tried to focus on everything she said, but it got hard, because I was crying. Not just little tears, but big, wet, joyful tears. My daughter, a 13 year old, was praying in front of a bunch of strangers. She stood there proud, confident and with conviction and delivered those words for all to hear. I didn't care what else happened that day, my life was better because I had attended this retreat with her!

God worked in her and in all the plans of that weekend to make it possible for me to share in that moment with her. I don't think she even knows how that moved me. I am going to tell her and thank her for her words. I learned how to be a better Christian that weekend and it wasn't from listening to a pastor or some biblical scholar. I learned from my daughter. Praise God.

Sports..why do I care so much?

I mentioned pushing my kids in sports in my last blog, so I thought it appropriate to talk about it now. I push my kids to be athletes! I am not proud of it...well, maybe sometimes. I think sports are important in a kid's life and I want them to become conditioned and love sports like I did. Is there anything wrong with that? No...not until it goes over the edge. I like to teeter at that edge.

For some reason I think that these kids should do thing flawlessly. I never was perfect, but that doesn't occur to me when I am sitting there watching the game unfold. I really get crazy at times. Now I am not like those parents who yell at the players or say much to the refs, but I do say things that I should keep to myself. Why is that? I am not a bad person or think my kids are the stars of their teams, but I can't control myself. I can feel my blood pressure raise and a big knot in my stomach when the game isn't going well. Sometimes I have to walk away from the game because I get too heated. I don't want to be like this, but I don't know how to be anything else. I even had a ref tell me last year, "Relax, Dad, this is only a 7th grade game."

When my wife and I actually get to go to one of our kid's game together, the car ride usually consists of a talk that we have about how to control my emotions during a game. Well, it is more like my wife telling me to be supportive of our daughter and keep the other comments to myself. I say, "I'm really going to be quiet this game," but that never happens. I see some of the other parents who sit and watch silently as the game goes on never showing any emotion and I want to say, "How do you do that!" But then I turn back to the game to see what I just missed. I know there is some happy medium, but I don't know how to get there.

The funniest thing about my reactions at sporting events is that in any other setting, I keep my thought and emotions to myself. I avoid conflict like the plague. Just ask my wife about that. Maybe she will blog about that sometime. So what is it about sports that brings it out in me? When I was growing up, baseball was my life. I could have practiced it all day! I loved it and couldn't wait to go to a game! I talked all the time on the field and many times would annoy the other team with all my talk. I was a good player, but never was great. My parents were very encouraging to me as a player and heard often how proud they were of me. Only once did I ever hear anything negative from my dad during a game, when he yelled at one of my teammates to "take the piano off your back." Maybe his passion for sports is where I got my passion for sports. I was hoping as I turned 40, I would mellow out some, but so far it hasn't happened.

I am writing about this to hopefully start a dialog about how others with kids that are in competitive sports deal with their emotions during games. At the end of the day, I want to be known as the dad who always supported his kids in whatever they wanted to do. There is that point when you can go to far and I am nervous that someday I will go there. Maybe by just putting the words down for all to read will be all that it takes to keep me and my emotions in line.